This post is inspired by the delightful Naomi over at Rockstar Diaries.

I wish that it was thundering.
I wish there was no such thing as rent inspections (my O.C.D. can’t handle them).
I wish that I had an endless supply of coffee from the Woogi van.
I wish I had my book finished so I could move on to the next idea.
I wish there was a simple cure to writer’s block – like popping an asprin.
I wish I was in Vancouver.
I wish I hadn’t left the majority of my shopping in the car so I could avoid getting my floors wet and dirty (rent inspection paranoia).
I wish my letterbox was full of mail and packages and things to unwrap.
I wish I could spend all day in bed, reading and listening to the rain.

OK, so yes, I have been quite AWOL over the past month but I have some great excuses. Most of them have to do with the fact that we moved house 3 weeks ago and I’m still recovering. Not physically recovering mind you – it’s more of a mental thing. I find that I’m quite fragile when dealing with big changes like this. I work myself up into quite a state and without the antidepressants and other mood stabilisers that I previously relied upon (I weaned myself off all the tablets three years ago) I’ve since discovered I’m really quite unable to deal with big bursts of stress. I’ve got a referral to see a behavioural therapist but have been on the waiting list for an appointment for the last 5 weeks. Oh, to be stress and medication free – could such a scenario really exist? We’ll wait and see.

Benny went in for an operation last Tuesday. He had to have a large perianal adenoma (I know! Yuck!) removed from a precarious spot on his ‘business end’. He is a trooper though and seems to be recovering ok. The Dr and pathologist are a little concerned about some abnormal cells and they’re investigating further. Finger’s and toes crossed that things work out. I love my little man. He is so sweet and good natured. I would hate for there to be anything wrong.

What else? I’ve been doing a lot of writing. Paid, client stuff – not the novel, unfortunately. Though I have found some time to work on defining my main character. Images help my writing so I’ve started up a pinboard on Pinterest that get my creative juices flowing. Are you on Pinterest? Let me know if you are.

Regular posting to resume from…..now!

“Ninjas rescue student from muggers”.

How could you not want to read that news story?! It’s got everything a good story should have – an innocent German student, a lonely train ride, a confrontation in a dark alley, a gang of thugs…..and NINJA’s! In Sydney! I didn’t even know there were ninjas in Sydney, let alone a NINJA SCHOOL! Awesome.

My favourite bit of the story is this paragraph -

“Nathan Smith (what an unlikely ninja name!) told his sensei and the rest of the students at Ninja Senshi Ryu and they rushed out to confront the thugs – all dressed in traditional black ninja garb.”

You go ninjas!

(img src)

Sometimes you just don’t see things that are in plain view. Then after you’ve seen them you wonder how you could have missed them. That was what happened when I spied this pumpkin (it is a pumpkin, isn’t it?) growing over the fence a few weeks ago. I hang out the washing in this general vicinity a few times a week but I never noticed it before. It might have been that the leaves were covering it when it was smaller and that’s how I missed it. I’m not sure what to do with it though. Do I cut it off and give it back to my neigbours (it *is* their pumpkin, after all) or do I continue to let it grow and let nature take its course? Perplexed by this pumpkin!

I don’t collect a lot of things. If you compare my collection efforts with that of my Mum, for instance, I’m a novice. I collect books (I would have hundreds if I didn’t sell a whole lot of them a few years ago), vintage letters and postcards (my oldest is from the 1700′s), teacups (especially florally, chintzy ones) and anything related to black bears.

Lately I’ve been concentrating my efforts on my black bear collection. Trawling through Etsy I’ve found some gorgeous things that I’ve added to my wish list.

When you see these things on my desk…

You can tell I’m furiously trying to meet a deadline. I’m not doing too bad at the moment. The first 1000 words are always the hardest.

I was so happy to get an email from Donovan from the Letter Writer’s Alliance today to let me know I’d won a copy of Yours Ever: People and Their Letters by Thomas Mallon. As you all know, I love writing letters and this year I’m really making an effort to write more and more. I’ve had my eye on this book for a while and I am stoked to be getting a copy. Thank you Donovan!

On our second night in Margaret River we ate at The Arc of Iris. This was the meal that Tony and I shared. It was pretty massive and I’ve been craving their Five Spice squid ever since. So good. (sorry for the crappy iPhone pic!)

Last week was such a tough week. Everyone gets weeks like that occasionally – where you feel like every step you make is followed by a weighty bitchslap. Take a step. *slap* Take another step. *slap, slap*. You get the picture? I think it was made infinitely worse by the fact that our sleeping patterns were horrendously out of whack. With Tony trying to cram in 48 hours of work  we needed to be getting up early and unfortunately we were still going to be around the 11 or 12 o’clock mark which meant, at best, we were getting 5 or 6 hours of sleep. Not nearly enough.

And then there was the whole fiasco of Jasper going missing. That really sent me through the wringer. Jasper is an old cat (she’s 12 this year) and for the last 2 years she hasn’t wandered out of the yard. We have high fences and usually she’ll just lay out in the Sun. But on Wednesday night she somehow got onto our roof. I tried to get her down but she wasn’t having a bar of it. Then she hopped over on the neighbour’s roof and she was gone. We searched the neighbourhood for ages, calling out her name and shining our terribly pathetic torch into any nooks that she might be hiding in but we didn’t find her. I was a mess. She’s my baby and she was missing. The thought that she might not come back was unbearable and despite Tony telling me that I needed to prepare myself for that, I really couldn’t face the possibility. I didn’t sleep at all that night. My mind was churning and I was formulating a plan for what I’d need to do in the morning. Posters, flyers, door knocking etc.

At 5am Benny started barking at something outside and I shot up from the bed and looked out the window. There, across the street, was Jasper. I called her and she raced over and inside the house, her eyes as wide as saucers. I put her to bed and finally, got to get some sleep.

I know that my pets and all the people that I love will die. I know this because it’s life but it’s unbearable and the thought of it keeps me awake at night. I’ve never been ok with death and I have a hard time accepting it. A lot of people say that you just need to enjoy yourself and love the people that surround you while you can but honestly, I wonder sometimes if the memories of the good times will outweigh the crippling pain of eventual loss. Sometimes, I try really hard to remember particular moments or sensations. I store them away as mental post-it notes for relationships so that one day I can go back and revisit them if I need to. Perhaps I am (as Tony says) a pessimist and I dwell too much on what will eventually happen. Either way, death and I continue the impasse we’ve been locked in for 35 years. I’m not going to budge and I doubt that it will either.

Late September last year we went down south for a couple of days with Tony’s family who were over from New Zealand and Sydney. We spent ages trying to find the right place to stay and we tossed up between hotel rooms (quite pricey) and beach houses (also pricey but not bad if you split the costs amongst three families). We settled on the Losari Beach House and it was absolutely perfect. The house was awesome with polished concrete floors in the family areas, big bedrooms and a wonderful kitchen. It had a great big communal couch and a wood burning heater in the family room which warmed up the whole area. It is so peaceful Gnarabup and despite the fact that we had no ocean view, we could still hear the ocean which was so nice. The photos below don’t do the house justice. I want to go back down south so badly sometime over winter and I would definitely stay at the beach house again.